the shape of society

On the great debate of our age – gender in our society…

Someone said men’s control of women in the patriarchy arises out of fear… here are my thoughts on the subject –

Are fear and insecurity the same??? I think/feel there are differences. Feeling inadequate/insecure runs deeper and longer in our lives and culture than fear.

To me fear is an immediate response to real danger… so most men, well me anyway, would not relate to the suggestion of fear as part of the culturally constructed love domestic intimate relationships (arranged or otherwise) – except in abusive relationships.

I think the gender differences run deep and start with biological drivers but then go BEYOND THEM.

I think modern feminists under-estimate the power of women in the past based on stereotypes that come out of male wishful thinking and the aforementioned inadequacy and insecurity and that they had control of the public discourse which believed in the dominance of the warrior theory of power; that is based on conquest, that assumes power is not interactive, that those with power have a magical (well fear-based) control of others, of subordinates…

BIOLOGY AND BEYOND – a story-ish – The embryo transforming from female to male at about 3-5 weeks (because it’s not instant) weakens us males, so at birth there are more males born with lowered immunity, disabilities and still births. In tough environments this makes them more likely to die in childhood. Cultural and personal memory mean mothers and fathers spoil the boys by putting them on the pedestal, today called patriarchy. By the time they go through the life and death process of initiation (I know not all of them had failure equals death but you could definitely fail and not be eligible to be a man and allowed to marry) and the various physical conflicts of teen to early manhood there were a lot more women than men and so polygamy was the product of biological economics.

On top of this is the magic of sexual selection in evolution. When in primitive times two naked playmates are having simple fun when one starts bleeding, at first unnoticed, then she is taken away with (terrifying for boys and men) physical proof of her adulthood. If a boy or a man was bleeding from there something is seriously wrong and it would be v. painful (thus is born initiation ceremonies based on “menstrual envy” where to become a man you had to bleed from the genital taking it as apparently pain free as a women.

Meanwhile the boys have no physical moment that says “I am an adult”. He is taken and tortured by his most trusted models to prove his worthiness with the final test life-threatening. When his manhood is finally proved and he is allowed to marry (for most of history and prehistory until 20 years ago) he’ll never know if his children are his.

These stories varied from culture to culture based on different environments, with particular reference to where the toughness and unpredictable of the environment promoted, drove the inadequacy of men to more or less extremes which they projected onto women (with their participation which I know is confronting idea since it is a lot easier to have simple ideas of power that blame one group over another) and the whole culture to make what sociologists call “tight” (authoritarian) or “loose” (open) cultures – https://www.scientificamerican.com/…/tightness-and-loosene…/

what is Tantra?

Hi…

Tantra, on philosophical level, gives equal weight to mind/spirit and body/physical/sensual, seeing them as partners. This is in contrast to some other philosophies that give priority to mind spirit. Some of those philosophies actually see the body/sensual as delusional and enemy to spiritual development. If you like, you could say it is a more passionate expression of the cooperative interactive nature of opposites in the principles of yin/yang but symbolized by the lovers – one a warrior (for conflict) one a lover (to symbolize harmony)… To this end Tantra uses love making as a symbol and a practice for spiritual development. This use can be also expressed as the interactivity of wisdom and power as in mindful sex as a path to self knowledge versus sex magic as another expression of complimentary paths.

intro workshop structure

Websites

About me – Hypnotherapy (and art) is my main source of income. I’ve been involved in it in one way or another for 40+ years about the same amount of time I’ve been involved with Tantra and other forms of spirituality. As you might guess I’ve explored a wide range of approaches in that time as shown in the next section. I’ve been in the fetish scene for 25 years as part of that path.

1. Underlying all my work, including the workshops, is the aim to help you grow your awareness of different states of mind body, like trance, mindfulness and meditation so you can choose to manage those states to enhance insight, pleasure and power in relationships, work and play in whatever activities are important to you. What I do can be healing if there are specific issues/problems you want to solve, but the primary aim is enhancing your life, to help you live more skilfully. I use a number of structures for insight, to ensure a whole person approach – the Chakras for the Yoga/Tantra traditions; NLP, Cognitive Behavioural Therapies and counselling from Western traditions; Chinese Taoist and medical system; pagan ideas of the Kabalah and ritual also have a role in my approaches.

2. The structure of the workshop is very flexible. I like to be responsive to the people involved. The basic structure will have some things in common with others workshops and activities that are unique, like: –

  • An intro to me, and to other members, this includes the rules of engagement like consent and negotiating touch and space permissions with other members including sharing soft and hard limits.
  • There will be some sensitivity explorations of presence, energy and non-touching connections, body language reading etc.
  • There will be some games exploring the connection between imagination, intention and action, through simple daily actions like standing and walking and some moves from yoga and martial arts.
  • Depending on the group and the touch permissions we may explore some elements of massage & contact dance and other movement forms.
  • We’ll also explore the power of language’s ability to affect your states of mind body with NLP and philosophy, to guide analysis, imagination, focus, attitudes and beliefs to enhance relationship and to overcome blockages and conflicts.

I hope this answers any questions regarding the intro workshop… if you have anymore please let me know

on thoughtful_outsider@yahoo.com

Buying ticket – https://www.trybooking.com/347588

Harnessing the power of dreams

Time for first results will vary with each individual – it could take a while. I’ve done it in 2-4 weeks.

Start a waking and sleeping diary.

Uses – before you go to sleep write a summary of your day, especially focused on emotionally important events use all your senses in the descriptions… then fill in the diary again when you wake up focusing on any experiences taste smell visuals sounds feeling… repeat after any naps and practice meditations,

Aims – to develop your imaginative capacities to visualise (in colour, line art, moving and still pictures), sound (as in music and the sound of voices), feelings (including emotions, touch and sense of space), smells and tastes both as general skills

Techniques – 1. use specific memories of friends and emotionally positive situations to developed these  multi-sensory imagination skills.

2. Use art for each sense to help develop you capacity, even if what goes on paper is not what you are happy with it’s the process of observation, listening and feel, tasting and smelling that is important. the arts are drawing, musical sound listening, massage (giving and receiving) and dance (focusing feel the movement rather than appearance), wine tasting and/or slow food cooking and eating.

3. As you are going to sleep is a good time to do the exercises mentioned here as away of starting to focus on various subjects, especially the ideas of remembering your dreams, and being conscious in them, including different important friends, focus on problems you need solutions for.

4. When you become aware in a dream then look at your hands or feet, then back at your dream.

5. In daily life practice managing your state of mind body emotions using multi-sensory imagination.

There will be a lot of personal growth from these exercises beyond giving you choices to use your dreams as a positive contribution to your life.

 

Preparing For A Magical Relationship

Solo Practice of Tantra for Singles.

All relationships start with the relationship you have with yourself. The Chakras can provide a guide to ensure you are taking a [w]holistic approach for the solo aspects of preparing for magical relationships. You’ll find these are a unique take on the chakras. There are 7 categories of questions, each corresponding to a chakra. Then you can burrow down into them to apply them to change your life and relationships. The questions are general but the answers will be specific for you. This is a structured approach to self reflection, contemplation, also known as mindfulness.

The process of change starts with awareness. Then comes specific processes and techniques for each individual situation. Central to all change is knowing clearly where your boundaries are, that is knowing what is your responsibility and within your power when in close relationship with others and what isn’t.

What you do with the awarenesses gained from following this process is up to you.

Option 1. Simply be yourself and use these questions to look for someone who matches you. This is cool because it will change your whole approach to finding a partner because you take an attitude of being in charge of how and who you enter relationship with.

Option 2. Use the awarenesses to target personal development to specific issues where your reactions and behaviours don’t match your values, the way you want to be, to live your life.

Option 3. Most likely, and recommended a mix of both. Awareness will change you automatically but then you also can choose the how and direction of change.

Basic Meanings of the Chakras

Fear/Background. What is your relationship with fear, your historic background as the source of those fears? Courage? What is your relationship with your personal, cultural, physical and natural environment?

Desire. What is your relationship with desire, including schakra-meaningsex, pleasure, success, goal-setting and failure?

Body/Form/Structure. What’s your relationship with form/structure, including your body and its limitations, who you are and what your capabilities are, planning etc.?

Doing It/Passion. What is your relationship with taking action, being emotional, and other people’s emotions, empathy, intimacy including and beyond sex? What are you passionate about and how do you share those passions?

Communication/Listening/Feedback. How are you at listening, receiving feedback, empathy, communicating in words and non-verbally?

The Legend of You. What role/position do you play in your own story of yourself? How does it relate with your cultural context? What language and metaphors do you use to tell those stories?

Limits/Unexpectedness/Unknown/Infinity. What is your relationship with secrets, the unknown, the unexpectedness, the occult and death?

These questions are big. And I guess a bit repetitive and general, because after all everything is about relationships. They work in that general way. You can ask about them about yourself as a whole. But I think they work best if you apply them to a specific circumstance. So let use your relationship with intimacy as a specific application. So here they are again but with a more detailed approach. As you will see the sub-questions are also easy to apply to to other situations.

1. Fear/Background. What is your relationship with fear, your historic background as the source of those fears? Courage? What is your relationship with your personal, cultural, physical and natural environment?

  • What is it about the prospect of looking for a relationship that most worries you?
  • What is it about being in a relationship that you believe is a problem for you?
  • What has your history with relationships been like?
  • What do you bring to relationships from the past that may interfere with you getting the relationship you want?
  • What do you bring from the past that is good for your relationships?
  • Which aspects of yourself, behaviours etc., do think are likely to cause the biggest problems when you get into a relationship?
  • Can you think of a situation in which you were courageous? It might be as simple as getting out bed some mornings, going for a job interview, talking to someone.

2. Desire.

What is your relationship with desire, including sex, pleasure, success, goal-setting and failure?

  • Can you imagine what a good relationship will be like?
  • Imagine a day in the life of that relationship in full colour, what it feels like, smells like, sounds like – in 1 year, in 5 years, in 10 years, in 20 years. How you feel as you imagine these possibilities?
  • What would sex be like when you’ve been together for ten years?
  • Are you comfortable with success at work?
  • Are you primarily a giver of pleasure or a receiver? How do feel when you are doing what’s natural (as giver or receiver?) and how to feel when play the less comfortable role?
  • How do react when you don’t achieve something you really want, that you’ve planned for? Can you learn from the experience in a way that helps you adapt and grow so you will finally get there?
  • How are you are setting goals? Whilst being mindful of your feelings as you do it write down 2 goals in each of these categories
    • work life
    • health & fitness
    • relationships
    • money
    • personal development spiritual life
    • add 2 goals that may seem impossible but that still can only happen by your effort with a little luck (as opposed to a lot of luck like lottery wins for example)

Now imagine who you are a year from now, what it feels, looks and sounds like to have achieved them already.

  • How are you at receiving compliments, other gifts and rewards?

3. Body/Form/Structure.

What’s your relationship with form/structure, including your body and its limitations, who you are and what your capabilities are, planning etc.?

  • How do you feel about your body?
  • What do you most like and dislike about your body?
  • On a scale of 1 to 10 how much control do you have with your bodily functions?
  • True or false – Plans are good.
  • How are you at making plans?
  • On two sheets of pages draw a line down the middle dividing each into two. On page 1 put two headings Strengths and Weaknesses (these are about your qualities as a person) and list of them as you perceive them. On page 2 Threats and Opportunities (these are about your situation and relationships) and list those as you perceive them. Now create the two pages again and get one or two friends to fill out the same list for you. Compare and contrast your list with their’s.
  • Look at these lists and organise them in order of the importance for helping or holding you back in life in general and in relationships in particular. You might also organise the list around ease of change, that is rank each activity/behaviour on a scale of 1-10, 1 being easy effortless to change and 10 it just who you are, to change it would mean changing your whole personality and way of being in the world.

4. Doing It/Passion.

What is your relationship with taking action, being emotional, and other people’s emotions, intimacy including and beyond sex? What are you passionate about and how do you share those passions?

  • Is destiny something you effect with your decisions and attitudes, or is it outside your control, you just go with the flow?
  • When it comes to your emotions how much choice do you feel about how you react to people and situations?
  • When it comes to your emotions how much choice to feel about how you behave in response to them?
  • True or false. You have no choice over how you react to other people’s behaviours. Have you ever said “What you did made me feel (whatever feeling)?
  • How do you cope or feel when you realise you are feeling very attached to someone you love or feel strongly about? How do handle jealousy in yourself or from your partners?
  • How do you feel when you someone you feel strongly for, love, hurts you in someway?
  • How do react to conflict? With strangers? With someone you love or feel strongly for?

5. Communication/Listening/Feedback.

How are you at listening, receiving feedback, empathy, communicating in words and non-verbally?

  • Are you good at talking about your feelings? If not what holds you back?
  • How do you know you are loved by someone? Are the words enough?
  • How do you know you trust someone or at least what they say and do? Do you feel it when your partner/s, friends or boss say good things about you or to you? Or is it more important what they do? Does how they behave, give gifts or dress and look after themselves to impress you or do things for you, tell you they care?
  • How do you tell someone you love them? (see below Languages of Love)
  • Are you good at listening?
  • What is your most comfortable way of communicating? (also see Languages of Love below)
  • Which sense do you most often think in – visual, internal dialogue, feelings?

The languages of love – Consider which of these languages you use to say you love and/or trust someone, and that you need for you to feel loved. Also listen to and ask your partners which of these languages works for them to feel loved and trusted. Often relationship breakdown because they don’t speak the same languages for expressing emotions. Sometimes people are limited by the ways they express emotions. For instance expressing things through actions and touch can be inappropriate for a lot of situations. Best to use really specific concrete examples to share the experience of love.

  • Show it; See it: focused on sight – you take trouble to dress well, keep yourself fit and healthy to look good, keep the place tidy and use beautiful design. You may choose people based on how they look.
  • Saying it; Hearing it: focused on hearing – you say complimentary things, talk about your feelings, are careful with your words and often careful to listen. You may put up with terrible behaviours just because you are told “I love you.”
  • Feeling; Touching – communicating love and emotions by touching and wanting to be touched. It can be that some people will put up with a lot because they get good sex, good kissing, hugs and massage. You can also have the opposite, when people find touching so intense that they avoid it. It is connected to the next two because it is the feeling of acting for giving and service that makes them work for us.
  • Giving and Receiving – this combines senses as giving & receiving are actions that are kinesthetic, feeling experience and gifts can also be visual, sound, smelling, tasting and touching.
  • Acts of Service – Again combines senses but is about an emotional experience, the act of listening can be an act of service, so can all or any of the above can be part of it.
  • Quality Time Shared – This is about the way, quality of attention we pay to each other. Basically giving undivided attention to your partner or friend can communicate intimacy, love, concern and connection.

6. The Legend of You.

What role/position do you play in your own story of yourself? How does it relate with your cultural context? What languages and metaphors do you use to tell your stories?

  • Are you the writer of your story, or is it written by others, or the fates?
  • What archetype best suits the way you think/feel about yourself, and stories you tell of your life and history?
  • What archetype would you most like be? If you wrote your life so it was anyway you wanted it.
  • List three heroes you admire. What do like about them?
  • List three bad guys, celebrities or fictional characters you hate or dislike, and why.
  • What’s your favourite story, movie, TV show? What do you like about it? How does it relate to your life? What’s similar, what’s different?
  • Where would you place yourself on the political spectrum? How do your feel about the opposition? Should they have equal rights with your preferred side?
  • How are you in arguments? Can you have friends you disagree with strongly on some issues, even important ones?

These questions could be under the category seven or here depending on how you position define the practical expression of the chakra.

  • What are your spiritual and religious beliefs? Do you believe in a higher power? Is there a particular tradition or structure you embrace? Do you believe in psychic phenomenon? How does it effect your life?
  • How do believe in your tradition? For example do you believe in an exclusive source of truth in a book or teacher, prophet, a messenger, maybe son of God or a more liberal and open approach?

7. Limits/Unexpectedness/Unknown/Infinity. What is your relationship with secrets, the unknown, the unexpectedness, the occult and death?

  • Do you think about or are you aware of death in anyway, as part of daily life?
  • Do you believe in life after death? What do you think happens? How do you know?
  • How do you react when plans or your expectations are disrupted in someway? Can think of a specific situation, make a list of how you reacted?
  • In relationships, how do you react when you discover something surprising about someone you’ve had a long intimate relationship with, including friends and family?
  • How do react when you make mistakes? How do react when you discover you are ignorant, lacking in knowledge or expertise?
  • How do you handle change? How do you handle the loss of someone or something important to you?
  • True or False? The best time of your life was when you were young. Which period had the best music?
  • What’s your relationship with risk? Do you minimize it or going looking for adventure?

 

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Celebrations at Solstice

Interesting thing about these holidays around the end of December… in the northern hemisphere regardless of traditions practiced, is a celebration of hope – a baby born, big feast of your best food, giving gifts as if wealthy, gathering the family – when about to face the darkest most dangerous time of year… here in Oz we are about to face the hottest also most dangerous time of year, with the fire season, n so a celebration of hope is still appropriate… however you celebrate appreciate the good in your life. No matter how much this year has worried you it is a rainbow of many feelings… remember where your attention goes so you go…HAPPINESS TO ALL!

 

Orgasm and trance – rhythm is the key

This research shows that orgasm leads to altered states of mind body. Something Tantra and paganism has known and taught the mechanisms of for centuries. It’s good to have added ways of knowing beyond tradition and word of mouth. http://www.iflscience.com/brain/having-an-orgasm-is-like-going-into-a-trance/

Christopher

Testimonial for a weekend workshop

This is so poetic and gorgeous… I’m deeply honoured by how Ebeth and Ken’s participation in the two day workshop we shared… the biggest compliment was their return for a second workshop, that they trusted me as their guide again. Then for Ebeth to write this on behalf of both of them is humbling and inspiring…

Whoever thought eating a strawberry could be so fulfilling to the senses. I found my self so involved that my eyes were screwed firmly shut. One more sense I could not bear to use so heightened was touch, scent and flavour. The tang of the berry on my tongue, the crunch of the tiny seeds between my teeth, the heady scent, the coldness on my lips. The sensual experience of our senses brought to life with a simple fruit.

We had signed ourselves up to a second round of experiences with Christopher and again we were treated to a mixture of philosophy and experience. Formally the class was on Tantra and how to understand the languages of the senses spoken and using this to deepen our relationships.

In many ways that exploration during the weekend, was the exploration of the strawberry. How many senses can be used to explore something we usually thoughtlessly place into our mouths or turn into a smoothie? Sometimes the experience was almost too intense, the need to screw ones eyes up and focus almost overwhelming.

The weekend provided an explanation of the rituals of our individual worlds using the seven chakra’s along with the five senses for exploring. The base of fear, the second of desire, the third our body and resources, the fourth the passion and action of the heart, the fifth the communication with the world the ability to listen to our selves and our lovers, the sixth the understanding of ourselves as a part of our environment and the seventh our understanding of ourselves as a spiritual entity and the smallness of our humanity.

Was this a structured learning environment, where the lessons are set long before the class commences with no thought of the learners journey? Or following a path of set didactic principles? Nope.

At times it was playful, other times intense emotional sharing of stories, sometimes downright silly and other times embarrassingly real. All the time guided slowly towards a understanding not of perfection but of ourselves.

The ability to let go and be unstructured in ones learning formed as much of the class as the formal elements. The energy of life becomes not what you are taught but how you interrupt that teaching. And so it was in this workshop.

The strawberry finally gone just a lingering flavour in the mouth, much like the lessons of the weekend. The thoughts of the weekend will continue to slowly evolve in our minds over months and years to come.

a relationship analysis of religious belief

There are plenty of ways that ritual, hypnosis and trance can deeply effect/affect our knowledge of ourselves and the world and therefore our beliefs (religious or not) permanently incidentally, accidentally or in a specifically targeted way (which is what hypnotherapy is for). I think there are 2 aspects of religions/cults that are interesting to talk about here 1. the symbols/metaphors used including the stories the flesh them out presenting the values they are supposed to represent. 2. the type of relationships followers have to those symbols and the leaders who embody or at least interpret them.

1. To me the metaphors/symbols and their stories are the most superficial part of religions. I’ve played with the symbols/metaphors, as many of us have, of various religions in fetish but it hasn’t changed a lot. It’s just like any other role play based on such political or personal horrors as the Nazis, secret police, docs, nurses and patient, teachers and student, as well as priests, nuns and parishers, etc. Hypnosis just lets you experience things sensually and emotionally more intensely. The reason these games are such fun and and powerful is because playing them turns the type relationships behind the symbols up side down and inside out. Because instead of it being imposed authority it is invited and used in away that subverts the original relationship structure.

2. You can change the metaphor or symbols used by someone as a focus of their beliefs but that doesn’t necessarily change the type of relationship underlying them. That is, the way people are expected to follow, surrender to and/or love their leaders/Dom/me. Is it based on an authority coming from outside the relationship, such as God/dess, or is it negotiated by participants, AKA the theory behind democracy and play, or some mix of these… A cult is a throw back to the unquestioning obedience to a rep of God/dess. An example of how these change and work in politics is that in the transition from monarchy to democracy almost all nations/cultures have gone through dictatorship, which has the same structure of relationship as monarchy but with the symbols have changed as has the source of authority. The difference between dictatorship and monarchy is that a monarch gains authority from outside the relationship, namely God/dess and/or birth right; a dictator, though it is based on fear and violence (as monarchy is) is still negotiated within the political relationships.

Specific examples are the British and French in the last 350+ years. The British had Cromwell who turned out to be such a dick[tator] they invited the monarch back. This in itself began the change to the way the Brits did authority/leadership/Dominance but it then took another hundred years to develop a different way of relating to authority in order for the Americans to set up a different structure of relating to authority. The French didn’t have one revolution they had six over more than a hundred years to achieve the same result. Each country went about it different ways but the point was to same as were the social forces involved. We see the same in religion. We have the protestants pissed off with the way the structure of religion, the way the relationships with Rome and it’s reps worked. At first, with Luther, they set up a change in the way they related to the symbols (the Bible and its characters and values) and the people they bowed to (who embodied authority) but not how deeply they had to bowed or the sources of authority. Now, over time we see a diversity of new ways of relating to symbols and authority arise. Now with science you don’t bow to human authority you bow to our experience of external reality, which can have it’s own problems because it is again external.

Many times, as we see in regime changes and political activism, the aim is to change the symbols and personalities of power but not its essential structure, the relationships it is based on, the emotions which are the mechanisms of it – fear and rage, desire, fairness and justice. See how the structure of power in South America hasn’t changed much in 200 years of violent regime changes.

So the question is what about your politics/religious/spiritual experience are you looking to change? Is it the metaphors and symbols or a change in the way you relate to authority and therefore dominance? or all of the above? Are you sure you know what is changing – like whether there is the symbols – the God/dess, the story you accept for them, the cosmological structure of the universe, how it’s created – or, as mentioned, the ways you relate to those symbols and their authority?

Hypnotherapy, other types of therapy, political activism, spiritual practice and play can be targeted at changing your beliefs, your relationship with authority and its symbols but you need to know what you are doing because you aren’t just messing with a limited in-the-moment experience for a few hours, you are playing with your whole life, your perception of it and possibly the structure of society. There can be unexpected results, especially if you don’t know the target.

Union

yoga, the spirit of union
stripping the body from the soul
into freedom
through their embrace
Tantra at core is the sensual love of body and soul,
pain, pleasure and the ordinary
nakedness comes when all the boundaries slip into the background, forgotten
no union necessary, oneness impossible to ignore
reality