Solo Practice of Tantra for Singles.
All relationships start with the relationship you have with yourself. The Chakras can provide a guide to ensure you are taking a [w]holistic approach for the solo aspects of preparing for magical relationships. You’ll find these are a unique take on the chakras. There are 7 categories of questions, each corresponding to a chakra. Then you can burrow down into them to apply them to change your life and relationships. The questions are general but the answers will be specific for you. This is a structured approach to self reflection, contemplation, also known as mindfulness.
The process of change starts with awareness. Then comes specific processes and techniques for each individual situation. Central to all change is knowing clearly where your boundaries are, that is knowing what is your responsibility and within your power when in close relationship with others and what isn’t.
What you do with the awarenesses gained from following this process is up to you.
Option 1. Simply be yourself and use these questions to look for someone who matches you. This is cool because it will change your whole approach to finding a partner because you take an attitude of being in charge of how and who you enter relationship with.
Option 2. Use the awarenesses to target personal development to specific issues where your reactions and behaviours don’t match your values, the way you want to be, to live your life.
Option 3. Most likely, and recommended a mix of both. Awareness will change you automatically but then you also can choose the how and direction of change.
Basic Meanings of the Chakras
Fear/Background. What is your relationship with fear, your historic background as the source of those fears? Courage? What is your relationship with your personal, cultural, physical and natural environment?
Body/Form/Structure. What’s your relationship with form/structure, including your body and its limitations, who you are and what your capabilities are, planning etc.?
Doing It/Passion. What is your relationship with taking action, being emotional, and other people’s emotions, empathy, intimacy including and beyond sex? What are you passionate about and how do you share those passions?
Communication/Listening/Feedback. How are you at listening, receiving feedback, empathy, communicating in words and non-verbally?
The Legend of You. What role/position do you play in your own story of yourself? How does it relate with your cultural context? What language and metaphors do you use to tell those stories?
Limits/Unexpectedness/Unknown/Infinity. What is your relationship with secrets, the unknown, the unexpectedness, the occult and death?
These questions are big. And I guess a bit repetitive and general, because after all everything is about relationships. They work in that general way. You can ask about them about yourself as a whole. But I think they work best if you apply them to a specific circumstance. So let use your relationship with intimacy as a specific application. So here they are again but with a more detailed approach. As you will see the sub-questions are also easy to apply to to other situations.
1. Fear/Background. What is your relationship with fear, your historic background as the source of those fears? Courage? What is your relationship with your personal, cultural, physical and natural environment?
- What is it about the prospect of looking for a relationship that most worries you?
- What is it about being in a relationship that you believe is a problem for you?
- What has your history with relationships been like?
- What do you bring to relationships from the past that may interfere with you getting the relationship you want?
- What do you bring from the past that is good for your relationships?
- Which aspects of yourself, behaviours etc., do think are likely to cause the biggest problems when you get into a relationship?
- Can you think of a situation in which you were courageous? It might be as simple as getting out bed some mornings, going for a job interview, talking to someone.
What is your relationship with desire, including sex, pleasure, success, goal-setting and failure?
- Can you imagine what a good relationship will be like?
- Imagine a day in the life of that relationship in full colour, what it feels like, smells like, sounds like – in 1 year, in 5 years, in 10 years, in 20 years. How you feel as you imagine these possibilities?
- What would sex be like when you’ve been together for ten years?
- Are you comfortable with success at work?
- Are you primarily a giver of pleasure or a receiver? How do feel when you are doing what’s natural (as giver or receiver?) and how to feel when play the less comfortable role?
- How do react when you don’t achieve something you really want, that you’ve planned for? Can you learn from the experience in a way that helps you adapt and grow so you will finally get there?
- How are you are setting goals? Whilst being mindful of your feelings as you do it write down 2 goals in each of these categories
- work life
- health & fitness
- personal development spiritual life
- add 2 goals that may seem impossible but that still can only happen by your effort with a little luck (as opposed to a lot of luck like lottery wins for example)
Now imagine who you are a year from now, what it feels, looks and sounds like to have achieved them already.
- How are you at receiving compliments, other gifts and rewards?
What’s your relationship with form/structure, including your body and its limitations, who you are and what your capabilities are, planning etc.?
- How do you feel about your body?
- What do you most like and dislike about your body?
- On a scale of 1 to 10 how much control do you have with your bodily functions?
- True or false – Plans are good.
- How are you at making plans?
- On two sheets of pages draw a line down the middle dividing each into two. On page 1 put two headings Strengths and Weaknesses (these are about your qualities as a person) and list of them as you perceive them. On page 2 Threats and Opportunities (these are about your situation and relationships) and list those as you perceive them. Now create the two pages again and get one or two friends to fill out the same list for you. Compare and contrast your list with their’s.
- Look at these lists and organise them in order of the importance for helping or holding you back in life in general and in relationships in particular. You might also organise the list around ease of change, that is rank each activity/behaviour on a scale of 1-10, 1 being easy effortless to change and 10 it just who you are, to change it would mean changing your whole personality and way of being in the world.
4. Doing It/Passion.
What is your relationship with taking action, being emotional, and other people’s emotions, intimacy including and beyond sex? What are you passionate about and how do you share those passions?
- Is destiny something you effect with your decisions and attitudes, or is it outside your control, you just go with the flow?
- When it comes to your emotions how much choice do you feel about how you react to people and situations?
- When it comes to your emotions how much choice to feel about how you behave in response to them?
- True or false. You have no choice over how you react to other people’s behaviours. Have you ever said “What you did made me feel (whatever feeling)?
- How do you cope or feel when you realise you are feeling very attached to someone you love or feel strongly about? How do handle jealousy in yourself or from your partners?
- How do you feel when you someone you feel strongly for, love, hurts you in someway?
- How do react to conflict? With strangers? With someone you love or feel strongly for?
How are you at listening, receiving feedback, empathy, communicating in words and non-verbally?
- Are you good at talking about your feelings? If not what holds you back?
- How do you know you are loved by someone? Are the words enough?
- How do you know you trust someone or at least what they say and do? Do you feel it when your partner/s, friends or boss say good things about you or to you? Or is it more important what they do? Does how they behave, give gifts or dress and look after themselves to impress you or do things for you, tell you they care?
- How do you tell someone you love them? (see below Languages of Love)
- Are you good at listening?
- What is your most comfortable way of communicating? (also see Languages of Love below)
- Which sense do you most often think in – visual, internal dialogue, feelings?
The languages of love – Consider which of these languages you use to say you love and/or trust someone, and that you need for you to feel loved. Also listen to and ask your partners which of these languages works for them to feel loved and trusted. Often relationship breakdown because they don’t speak the same languages for expressing emotions. Sometimes people are limited by the ways they express emotions. For instance expressing things through actions and touch can be inappropriate for a lot of situations. Best to use really specific concrete examples to share the experience of love.
- Show it; See it: focused on sight – you take trouble to dress well, keep yourself fit and healthy to look good, keep the place tidy and use beautiful design. You may choose people based on how they look.
- Saying it; Hearing it: focused on hearing – you say complimentary things, talk about your feelings, are careful with your words and often careful to listen. You may put up with terrible behaviours just because you are told “I love you.”
- Feeling; Touching – communicating love and emotions by touching and wanting to be touched. It can be that some people will put up with a lot because they get good sex, good kissing, hugs and massage. You can also have the opposite, when people find touching so intense that they avoid it. It is connected to the next two because it is the feeling of acting for giving and service that makes them work for us.
- Giving and Receiving – this combines senses as giving & receiving are actions that are kinesthetic, feeling experience and gifts can also be visual, sound, smelling, tasting and touching.
- Acts of Service – Again combines senses but is about an emotional experience, the act of listening can be an act of service, so can all or any of the above can be part of it.
- Quality Time Shared – This is about the way, quality of attention we pay to each other. Basically giving undivided attention to your partner or friend can communicate intimacy, love, concern and connection.
6. The Legend of You.
What role/position do you play in your own story of yourself? How does it relate with your cultural context? What languages and metaphors do you use to tell your stories?
- Are you the writer of your story, or is it written by others, or the fates?
- What archetype best suits the way you think/feel about yourself, and stories you tell of your life and history?
- What archetype would you most like be? If you wrote your life so it was anyway you wanted it.
- List three heroes you admire. What do like about them?
- List three bad guys, celebrities or fictional characters you hate or dislike, and why.
- What’s your favourite story, movie, TV show? What do you like about it? How does it relate to your life? What’s similar, what’s different?
- Where would you place yourself on the political spectrum? How do your feel about the opposition? Should they have equal rights with your preferred side?
- How are you in arguments? Can you have friends you disagree with strongly on some issues, even important ones?
These questions could be under the category seven or here depending on how you position define the practical expression of the chakra.
- What are your spiritual and religious beliefs? Do you believe in a higher power? Is there a particular tradition or structure you embrace? Do you believe in psychic phenomenon? How does it effect your life?
- How do believe in your tradition? For example do you believe in an exclusive source of truth in a book or teacher, prophet, a messenger, maybe son of God or a more liberal and open approach?
7. Limits/Unexpectedness/Unknown/Infinity. What is your relationship with secrets, the unknown, the unexpectedness, the occult and death?
- Do you think about or are you aware of death in anyway, as part of daily life?
- Do you believe in life after death? What do you think happens? How do you know?
- How do you react when plans or your expectations are disrupted in someway? Can think of a specific situation, make a list of how you reacted?
- In relationships, how do you react when you discover something surprising about someone you’ve had a long intimate relationship with, including friends and family?
- How do react when you make mistakes? How do react when you discover you are ignorant, lacking in knowledge or expertise?
- How do you handle change? How do you handle the loss of someone or something important to you?
- True or False? The best time of your life was when you were young. Which period had the best music?
- What’s your relationship with risk? Do you minimize it or going looking for adventure?