Preparing For A Magical Relationship

Solo Practice of Tantra for Singles.

All relationships start with the relationship you have with yourself. The Chakras can provide a guide to ensure you are taking a [w]holistic approach for the solo aspects of preparing for magical relationships. You’ll find these are a unique take on the chakras. There are 7 categories of questions, each corresponding to a chakra. Then you can burrow down into them to apply them to change your life and relationships. The questions are general but the answers will be specific for you. This is a structured approach to self reflection, contemplation, also known as mindfulness.

The process of change starts with awareness. Then comes specific processes and techniques for each individual situation. Central to all change is knowing clearly where your boundaries are, that is knowing what is your responsibility and within your power when in close relationship with others and what isn’t.

What you do with the awarenesses gained from following this process is up to you.

Option 1. Simply be yourself and use these questions to look for someone who matches you. This is cool because it will change your whole approach to finding a partner because you take an attitude of being in charge of how and who you enter relationship with.

Option 2. Use the awarenesses to target personal development to specific issues where your reactions and behaviours don’t match your values, the way you want to be, to live your life.

Option 3. Most likely, and recommended a mix of both. Awareness will change you automatically but then you also can choose the how and direction of change.

Basic Meanings of the Chakras

Fear/Background. What is your relationship with fear, your historic background as the source of those fears? Courage? What is your relationship with your personal, cultural, physical and natural environment?

Desire. What is your relationship with desire, including schakra-meaningsex, pleasure, success, goal-setting and failure?

Body/Form/Structure. What’s your relationship with form/structure, including your body and its limitations, who you are and what your capabilities are, planning etc.?

Doing It/Passion. What is your relationship with taking action, being emotional, and other people’s emotions, empathy, intimacy including and beyond sex? What are you passionate about and how do you share those passions?

Communication/Listening/Feedback. How are you at listening, receiving feedback, empathy, communicating in words and non-verbally?

The Legend of You. What role/position do you play in your own story of yourself? How does it relate with your cultural context? What language and metaphors do you use to tell those stories?

Limits/Unexpectedness/Unknown/Infinity. What is your relationship with secrets, the unknown, the unexpectedness, the occult and death?

These questions are big. And I guess a bit repetitive and general, because after all everything is about relationships. They work in that general way. You can ask about them about yourself as a whole. But I think they work best if you apply them to a specific circumstance. So let use your relationship with intimacy as a specific application. So here they are again but with a more detailed approach. As you will see the sub-questions are also easy to apply to to other situations.

1. Fear/Background. What is your relationship with fear, your historic background as the source of those fears? Courage? What is your relationship with your personal, cultural, physical and natural environment?

  • What is it about the prospect of looking for a relationship that most worries you?
  • What is it about being in a relationship that you believe is a problem for you?
  • What has your history with relationships been like?
  • What do you bring to relationships from the past that may interfere with you getting the relationship you want?
  • What do you bring from the past that is good for your relationships?
  • Which aspects of yourself, behaviours etc., do think are likely to cause the biggest problems when you get into a relationship?
  • Can you think of a situation in which you were courageous? It might be as simple as getting out bed some mornings, going for a job interview, talking to someone.

2. Desire.

What is your relationship with desire, including sex, pleasure, success, goal-setting and failure?

  • Can you imagine what a good relationship will be like?
  • Imagine a day in the life of that relationship in full colour, what it feels like, smells like, sounds like – in 1 year, in 5 years, in 10 years, in 20 years. How you feel as you imagine these possibilities?
  • What would sex be like when you’ve been together for ten years?
  • Are you comfortable with success at work?
  • Are you primarily a giver of pleasure or a receiver? How do feel when you are doing what’s natural (as giver or receiver?) and how to feel when play the less comfortable role?
  • How do react when you don’t achieve something you really want, that you’ve planned for? Can you learn from the experience in a way that helps you adapt and grow so you will finally get there?
  • How are you are setting goals? Whilst being mindful of your feelings as you do it write down 2 goals in each of these categories
    • work life
    • health & fitness
    • relationships
    • money
    • personal development spiritual life
    • add 2 goals that may seem impossible but that still can only happen by your effort with a little luck (as opposed to a lot of luck like lottery wins for example)

Now imagine who you are a year from now, what it feels, looks and sounds like to have achieved them already.

  • How are you at receiving compliments, other gifts and rewards?

3. Body/Form/Structure.

What’s your relationship with form/structure, including your body and its limitations, who you are and what your capabilities are, planning etc.?

  • How do you feel about your body?
  • What do you most like and dislike about your body?
  • On a scale of 1 to 10 how much control do you have with your bodily functions?
  • True or false – Plans are good.
  • How are you at making plans?
  • On two sheets of pages draw a line down the middle dividing each into two. On page 1 put two headings Strengths and Weaknesses (these are about your qualities as a person) and list of them as you perceive them. On page 2 Threats and Opportunities (these are about your situation and relationships) and list those as you perceive them. Now create the two pages again and get one or two friends to fill out the same list for you. Compare and contrast your list with their’s.
  • Look at these lists and organise them in order of the importance for helping or holding you back in life in general and in relationships in particular. You might also organise the list around ease of change, that is rank each activity/behaviour on a scale of 1-10, 1 being easy effortless to change and 10 it just who you are, to change it would mean changing your whole personality and way of being in the world.

4. Doing It/Passion.

What is your relationship with taking action, being emotional, and other people’s emotions, intimacy including and beyond sex? What are you passionate about and how do you share those passions?

  • Is destiny something you effect with your decisions and attitudes, or is it outside your control, you just go with the flow?
  • When it comes to your emotions how much choice do you feel about how you react to people and situations?
  • When it comes to your emotions how much choice to feel about how you behave in response to them?
  • True or false. You have no choice over how you react to other people’s behaviours. Have you ever said “What you did made me feel (whatever feeling)?
  • How do you cope or feel when you realise you are feeling very attached to someone you love or feel strongly about? How do handle jealousy in yourself or from your partners?
  • How do you feel when you someone you feel strongly for, love, hurts you in someway?
  • How do react to conflict? With strangers? With someone you love or feel strongly for?

5. Communication/Listening/Feedback.

How are you at listening, receiving feedback, empathy, communicating in words and non-verbally?

  • Are you good at talking about your feelings? If not what holds you back?
  • How do you know you are loved by someone? Are the words enough?
  • How do you know you trust someone or at least what they say and do? Do you feel it when your partner/s, friends or boss say good things about you or to you? Or is it more important what they do? Does how they behave, give gifts or dress and look after themselves to impress you or do things for you, tell you they care?
  • How do you tell someone you love them? (see below Languages of Love)
  • Are you good at listening?
  • What is your most comfortable way of communicating? (also see Languages of Love below)
  • Which sense do you most often think in – visual, internal dialogue, feelings?

The languages of love – Consider which of these languages you use to say you love and/or trust someone, and that you need for you to feel loved. Also listen to and ask your partners which of these languages works for them to feel loved and trusted. Often relationship breakdown because they don’t speak the same languages for expressing emotions. Sometimes people are limited by the ways they express emotions. For instance expressing things through actions and touch can be inappropriate for a lot of situations. Best to use really specific concrete examples to share the experience of love.

  • Show it; See it: focused on sight – you take trouble to dress well, keep yourself fit and healthy to look good, keep the place tidy and use beautiful design. You may choose people based on how they look.
  • Saying it; Hearing it: focused on hearing – you say complimentary things, talk about your feelings, are careful with your words and often careful to listen. You may put up with terrible behaviours just because you are told “I love you.”
  • Feeling; Touching – communicating love and emotions by touching and wanting to be touched. It can be that some people will put up with a lot because they get good sex, good kissing, hugs and massage. You can also have the opposite, when people find touching so intense that they avoid it. It is connected to the next two because it is the feeling of acting for giving and service that makes them work for us.
  • Giving and Receiving – this combines senses as giving & receiving are actions that are kinesthetic, feeling experience and gifts can also be visual, sound, smelling, tasting and touching.
  • Acts of Service – Again combines senses but is about an emotional experience, the act of listening can be an act of service, so can all or any of the above can be part of it.
  • Quality Time Shared – This is about the way, quality of attention we pay to each other. Basically giving undivided attention to your partner or friend can communicate intimacy, love, concern and connection.

6. The Legend of You.

What role/position do you play in your own story of yourself? How does it relate with your cultural context? What languages and metaphors do you use to tell your stories?

  • Are you the writer of your story, or is it written by others, or the fates?
  • What archetype best suits the way you think/feel about yourself, and stories you tell of your life and history?
  • What archetype would you most like be? If you wrote your life so it was anyway you wanted it.
  • List three heroes you admire. What do like about them?
  • List three bad guys, celebrities or fictional characters you hate or dislike, and why.
  • What’s your favourite story, movie, TV show? What do you like about it? How does it relate to your life? What’s similar, what’s different?
  • Where would you place yourself on the political spectrum? How do your feel about the opposition? Should they have equal rights with your preferred side?
  • How are you in arguments? Can you have friends you disagree with strongly on some issues, even important ones?

These questions could be under the category seven or here depending on how you position define the practical expression of the chakra.

  • What are your spiritual and religious beliefs? Do you believe in a higher power? Is there a particular tradition or structure you embrace? Do you believe in psychic phenomenon? How does it effect your life?
  • How do believe in your tradition? For example do you believe in an exclusive source of truth in a book or teacher, prophet, a messenger, maybe son of God or a more liberal and open approach?

7. Limits/Unexpectedness/Unknown/Infinity. What is your relationship with secrets, the unknown, the unexpectedness, the occult and death?

  • Do you think about or are you aware of death in anyway, as part of daily life?
  • Do you believe in life after death? What do you think happens? How do you know?
  • How do you react when plans or your expectations are disrupted in someway? Can think of a specific situation, make a list of how you reacted?
  • In relationships, how do you react when you discover something surprising about someone you’ve had a long intimate relationship with, including friends and family?
  • How do react when you make mistakes? How do react when you discover you are ignorant, lacking in knowledge or expertise?
  • How do you handle change? How do you handle the loss of someone or something important to you?
  • True or False? The best time of your life was when you were young. Which period had the best music?
  • What’s your relationship with risk? Do you minimize it or going looking for adventure?

 

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Celebrations at Solstice

Interesting thing about these holidays around the end of December… in the northern hemisphere regardless of traditions practiced, is a celebration of hope – a baby born, big feast of your best food, giving gifts as if wealthy, gathering the family – when about to face the darkest most dangerous time of year… here in Oz we are about to face the hottest also most dangerous time of year, with the fire season, n so a celebration of hope is still appropriate… however you celebrate appreciate the good in your life. No matter how much this year has worried you it is a rainbow of many feelings… remember where your attention goes so you go…HAPPINESS TO ALL!

 

Orgasm and trance – rhythm is the key

This research shows that orgasm leads to altered states of mind body. Something Tantra and paganism has known and taught the mechanisms of for centuries. It’s good to have added ways of knowing beyond tradition and word of mouth. http://www.iflscience.com/brain/having-an-orgasm-is-like-going-into-a-trance/

Christopher

a relationship analysis of religious belief

There are plenty of ways that ritual, hypnosis and trance can deeply effect/affect our knowledge of ourselves and the world and therefore our beliefs (religious or not) permanently incidentally, accidentally or in a specifically targeted way (which is what hypnotherapy is for). I think there are 2 aspects of religions/cults that are interesting to talk about here 1. the symbols/metaphors used including the stories the flesh them out presenting the values they are supposed to represent. 2. the type of relationships followers have to those symbols and the leaders who embody or at least interpret them.

1. To me the metaphors/symbols and their stories are the most superficial part of religions. I’ve played with the symbols/metaphors, as many of us have, of various religions in fetish but it hasn’t changed a lot. It’s just like any other role play based on such political or personal horrors as the Nazis, secret police, docs, nurses and patient, teachers and student, as well as priests, nuns and parishers, etc. Hypnosis just lets you experience things sensually and emotionally more intensely. The reason these games are such fun and and powerful is because playing them turns the type relationships behind the symbols up side down and inside out. Because instead of it being imposed authority it is invited and used in away that subverts the original relationship structure.

2. You can change the metaphor or symbols used by someone as a focus of their beliefs but that doesn’t necessarily change the type of relationship underlying them. That is, the way people are expected to follow, surrender to and/or love their leaders/Dom/me. Is it based on an authority coming from outside the relationship, such as God/dess, or is it negotiated by participants, AKA the theory behind democracy and play, or some mix of these… A cult is a throw back to the unquestioning obedience to a rep of God/dess. An example of how these change and work in politics is that in the transition from monarchy to democracy almost all nations/cultures have gone through dictatorship, which has the same structure of relationship as monarchy but with the symbols have changed as has the source of authority. The difference between dictatorship and monarchy is that a monarch gains authority from outside the relationship, namely God/dess and/or birth right; a dictator, though it is based on fear and violence (as monarchy is) is still negotiated within the political relationships.

Specific examples are the British and French in the last 350+ years. The British had Cromwell who turned out to be such a dick[tator] they invited the monarch back. This in itself began the change to the way the Brits did authority/leadership/Dominance but it then took another hundred years to develop a different way of relating to authority in order for the Americans to set up a different structure of relating to authority. The French didn’t have one revolution they had six over more than a hundred years to achieve the same result. Each country went about it different ways but the point was to same as were the social forces involved. We see the same in religion. We have the protestants pissed off with the way the structure of religion, the way the relationships with Rome and it’s reps worked. At first, with Luther, they set up a change in the way they related to the symbols (the Bible and its characters and values) and the people they bowed to (who embodied authority) but not how deeply they had to bowed or the sources of authority. Now, over time we see a diversity of new ways of relating to symbols and authority arise. Now with science you don’t bow to human authority you bow to our experience of external reality, which can have it’s own problems because it is again external.

Many times, as we see in regime changes and political activism, the aim is to change the symbols and personalities of power but not its essential structure, the relationships it is based on, the emotions which are the mechanisms of it – fear and rage, desire, fairness and justice. See how the structure of power in South America hasn’t changed much in 200 years of violent regime changes.

So the question is what about your politics/religious/spiritual experience are you looking to change? Is it the metaphors and symbols or a change in the way you relate to authority and therefore dominance? or all of the above? Are you sure you know what is changing – like whether there is the symbols – the God/dess, the story you accept for them, the cosmological structure of the universe, how it’s created – or, as mentioned, the ways you relate to those symbols and their authority?

Hypnotherapy, other types of therapy, political activism, spiritual practice and play can be targeted at changing your beliefs, your relationship with authority and its symbols but you need to know what you are doing because you aren’t just messing with a limited in-the-moment experience for a few hours, you are playing with your whole life, your perception of it and possibly the structure of society. There can be unexpected results, especially if you don’t know the target.

Union

yoga, the spirit of union
stripping the body from the soul
into freedom
through their embrace
Tantra at core is the sensual love of body and soul,
pain, pleasure and the ordinary
nakedness comes when all the boundaries slip into the background, forgotten
no union necessary, oneness impossible to ignore
reality

Tantra as Therapy 2

Therapeutic and educational uses of Tantra and sexological bodywork.

I would say that as much as 90% of the pleasure of sex for all people is in the mind/emotions. People often don’t think this is true for men whilst most would generally agree with this proposition in women. But men, women and society cover the emotional/mental components of sex, pleasure and intimacy for men in the stereotypes and assumptions.

Almost all issues both men and women have with pleasure in sex are emotional mental.

It’s rare that problems with sex and pleasure are physical. When we understand these mental emotional structures then physical dysfunctions can be helped or at least made less significant in enjoying intimacy of all types. I have proven this by using hypnosis, energy play and other techniques (from Tantra) to talk people (all genders), without touching them, to intense orgasms that are far greater than they experienced in ordinary sex.

I have talked people (all genders), without touching them, to intense orgasms that are far greater than they experienced in ordinary sex

I will explain how I’ve done this in another post. Because it’s not really something that can be script based. It has to be specifically shaped for each individual. Suffice to say that it is all about the integration of mind & body through energetically focused imagination and memory.

The reasons people come for Tantric coaching are as varied as the people coming. Problems in your relationship with pleasure can be limited to one situation such as only in sex, and/or can be about all possible opportunities for pleasure such as not taking or allowing your self to enjoy – success in work and career, in friendship (just enjoying the simple pleasures of hanging out), simply allowing yourself to feel contentment or happiness, allowing yourself to notice when and where your life is good, sometimes you can’t even remember being happy, confident or strong, certain. Another dysfunction can be, the unexpected opposite, that the only time you feel pleasure, safety and comfort is with and through sex (sometimes people feel these without actually experiencing orgasm often or easily).

To simplify we can say that the reasons are on a spectrum from the more physical and therefore maybe about learning techniques to the more mental/emotional, which may mean attitude and perspective change. The great thing is that to help with many issues I don’t need to know what the problems are to be able to help. I can guide you through processes which you do in the privacy of your own mind without you telling me anything about them and you will massive get change.

For many issues I don’t need to know what the problems are to be able to help

Reasons people come to Tantra

Mental/emotional

  • Learning to Give and Receive Pleasure
  • Mindfulness and active mindfulness
  • Absorbing focus to enhance pleasure and control
  • Learning the power of the relationship of the Mind and body, emotions in pleasure and life.
  • Meditations that enhance both your inner life and your sensuality in daily life and sex.
  • Empowerment – when where and how to negotiate your boundaries in your relationships. Being freer, more direct and honest about your emotions and needs.
  • Pleasure mapping (a) – what sensations haven’t you explored that you’d like to find out more about? What fantasies you have that cause you shame?

Physical

  • Body awareness and sensitizing
  • Yoni mapping for Pleasure, Pain or Numbness
  • Lingam mapping for Pleasure, pain or numbness
  • Body mapping for Pleasure, pain and numbness
  • Pleasure mapping (b) – exploring what the anatomy of your pleasure? Where, how and what gives you pleasure?
  • Inability to Orgasm
  • Relief from Pelvic Pain
  • Couples Wanting to Learn how to Pleasure Their Partner
  • Premature Ejaculation / Erectile Dysfunction
  • How masturbation and fantasy effect you experience of pleasure
  • Recovering Sexual Functioning and Pleasure after Childbirth; Genital, Pelvic or Breast Surgery; Trauma
  • Accepting and Loving One’s Body, Gender and Sexuality
  • Understanding Anal Pleasure, Prostate Massage
  • Internal and External Scar Tissue Remediation

There is a third category which is about trust and how you deal with the vulnerabilities and neediness, the emotional negotiations of boundaries that arise when you become attached to others. For these you need – THE PRACTICAL MEANINGS OF SELF LOVE – in the way you live and relate day to day.

Egos aren’t so bad

Trance is an everyday experience. In those everyday moments the change in our state is gentle, so natural as to be invisible. When you day-dream, fantasize, space out, think deeply about a problem, experience an intense emotion, have sex, watch a movie or TV, sometimes at work, do and/or watch sport or exercise and do whatever hobby you experience altered states, no drugs or formal ritual involved. You are in trance, an alter state, whenever you become so absorbed in an activity your experience of time changes, feels shorter or longer, when you forget yourself as separate from the experience. You’re swimming at the shallow end to middle level of altered state of mind body.

Lots of mystics from different traditions talk about the feeling of separateness, the ego as an enemy to overcome. Different traditions use different names for this saboteur within. They don’t always explain what they mean by it. When they do explain it’s often in abstract and poetic language. So followers and practitioners fill that void of meaning and explanation with whatever they are uncomfortable with, they feel blocked by, whatever they feel is the source of wrong thinking about themselves and in others. These teachers and practitioners put themselves through all kinds of punishing intense disciplines to clear themselves the sins of their ego, to defeat that self-sabotage. They often offer disciplines which accentuate the sabotage. They are boring, physically difficult, if not impossible, and/or terrifying explorations of the most abject experiences we can have, each being different for each person, like submission or surrender, loneliness, stillness, poverty, pain, homelessness, death &etc.

I’m not saying it is bad to heroically develop your spiritual emotional strength, to heal yourself of trauma, by overcoming that which most terrifies you. But these achievements often have the opposite effect and affect on your attitudes to yourself, with your ego, growing it. So we see that the people who talk about dropping or getting past the ego are the most self centred and power oriented, getting into trouble because they lose perspective, becoming cult leaders, political and religious leaders who ask great sacrifice without sacrificing themselves.

To resist something is to give it strength, to confirm its existence. The ego, that feeling of separateness, will slips away like a shadow in the night if you simply do what you love, let yourself go, be absorbed into it without consideration simply because it feel natural. That absorption doesn’t get lost when there are obstacles if you accept them as par for the course, again as natural part of the process.

I’m reminded of the difference between the master tradesman and the apprentice. For the apprentice every achievement is a source of happy ecstasy, whilst mistakes or missteps are a sources of agonizing despair that threaten their sense of self, their value as a person. For the master tradesman the mistakes and obstacle are just interesting problems you solve and every achievement is a natural confirmation of trust, skill and knowledge. The apprentice’s journey is a storm, the master’s journey is a gentle sunny day with cool breezes.

When it comes to consciousness, self and identity there are those who are just happy to be taken on a journey so that it is simply the means by which they live comfortably. When they find themselves in a storm they simply seek out a captain and navigator, a master, for the ship of being who can get them through it. Others want to be the captain and navigator, be their own master, so they can steer their own way through and help others along their way. Seeking the insights that will give you the mastery of consciousness is the path I’m on. This group is for fellow travelers who want to decide when and how they step through the looking glass into the power of the mind body spirit so they can steer themselves and those they love or anyone else through pleasure cruises and storms with equal facility.

Tantra and Therapy 1

Tantra is about the cooperation between apparently conflicting parts of yourself and your relationship with others. Tantra as you’d expect for an art, science (according to some) and practice that is about the rainbow of interactions between dualities has ways to help people improve their lives. Some of these are about improving what is already good, so it becomes transcendentally great but also help the bad, the uncomfortable, the out of balance to find their place in the psychic and social ecology. In this way a battleground becomes a place of peace and harmony, where conflict becomes a source of creativity and dynamism.

How do we do this?

First step is awareness. Next step is clarifying intention, that is getting the right point of view and know where and who you would like to be. Then there is the path to change and walking it. You can only walk it if you have the feet to walk it, that is you know it’s possible to change let alone actually do the change.

Awareness starts quite simply with knowing there is a problem that needs changing or that you wish to improve your life and relationships, which may include an intense desire for enlightenment. Even the Buddha was driven by pain, so usually the latter arises out of some sort of problem. Also you need to have a clear sense of where you are who you are so that you know if the direction you want to go is right for you, and your partner.

Clarifying Intention is that you need a model, a goal for how things might be different. A strong enough reason for the change. The Buddha had a clear intention discover the source of suffering. His legend puts it in a rather dissociated way – “all suffering” not his suffering. Today we would say that he was probably driven by post-traumatic stress. He had lived in a protected home environment in wealth and privilege, with every whim catered for and no sense of limitation. Then he is shocked to discover that people are not in his world, that there is such a thing as suffering. He then proceeded to self mutilate for seven years of disciplines to fulfil his goal of understanding suffering and its cessation.

One of the Buddha’s great insights is that the sources of suffering is the duality fear and desire. Tantra’s addition or development to that is that these two are cooperative that running after one thing can be running away from something else. He also said it wasn’t enough to know that you are suffering and the sources of suffering.

Get your feet You have to know change is possible only then would find the path to change. Knowing that change is possible is the feet that allow you to walk the path to change. Whether it is to correct a problem or to improve the good to make it great.

The Path and Walking it Mindfulness is generally taught as a solo practice but Tantra is about a shared interactive mindful exchange of power through intimacy. Tantra allows that your existence is a marriage of the external and the internal, of what you embraced and what you resist through the many dimensions symbolized by the Chakras.

Who you are is the product of both what you embraced and what you resist

power of the mind

This is a great interview about a very interest book on the scientific basis of mind/body effects like placebo, attitudes and various practices both positively and negatively on health and quality of life. really worth the listen – https://radio.abc.net.au/programitem/pe83wExOwL?play=true

dangers and limitations of mindfulness

This is an extract from a my upcoming introductory short ebook on applying Buddhist Practice to daily life

Whatever your feeling now, whatever your opinion of yourself and others mindfulness can, at first, exaggerate it. Paying intense attention to what is going on for you will mean increased awareness of it all – positive and negative.

But over time, and usually a short time, if you’re honest with yourself in the effort you make, your perception of yourself will become more realistic, balanced. You will over time come to realise you can rely on that old cliché “this too will pass” – not only for all bad situations and feelings but also for the good ones too. You will come to know yourself in a different way, you will have feelings not be them. Our language makes it hard; we say – “I AM sad” or “I AM happy” so you are defined by your feelings, rather than “I have or do sad” or “I have or do happy”. I know the grammar is all wrong but that’s the point.

At first there can be a sense of passivity where the feelings are more intense and can be overwhelming and you can feel out of control, like they are happening to you. But if you continue to bravely give attention you will see that change is always happening. Change in your body which you notice in the simple movement of sensations. Even paying attention changes the sensations. Then there is your continuously changing your emotions and thoughts. These are expressed and caused by your internal dialogue as it happens in discrete words which have different levels of loudness, tones and qualities, and as pictures, which are colour or black and white, have an angle of view, a size relationship with you. Then you notice that feelings are in different parts of your body, have different temperatures, pressures and the pain and pleasure change in intensity with different situations and with different way you think about them. Even your sense of strength, shape and size is continuously changing as you relate your surroundings, other people and even your thoughts and feelings.

The result is that you move first from experiences and life happening to you, to you being the experience, to you having the experience, to you doing the experiences and life, meaning from the passive to the active and finally to the interactive.

It takes time, and this can be frustrating. You will always be yourself, which can be even more frustrating. It is that your relationship with you will change. It may go from you being a painful battleground based on shame and hatred, to you only feeling discomfort with yourself, to tolerance and respect, to romantic love (meaning exaggerated and overblown positivity ignoring the flaws), to a real love, embracing all of who you are even the bits you don’t like. This could be imagined as the love of a good parent for a wayward child who knows them clearly, is honest about their qualities, accepts and tolerates the difficult parts of them without it affecting the love.

Another image the helps with perspective and the processes you’ll go through has a great and long tradition going back through the East and Middle East, including Christianity and Islam. The metaphor and reality of the master tradesman versus the apprentice. For a new apprentice every mistake is a catastrophe, a major threat to their sense of self and skill, their position in the job. Every achievement is a boost to the ego, a big emotional response, a source of ecstasy. For the master tradesman a mistake is something you fix and move on after a breath, you might learn something useful. An achievement is a nice moment, also worthy of a breath of appreciation, but you also then move on.

References:

ABCRN Life Matter – Darkside of Mindfulness